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Hundred Ways To Screw A Man
This is a summary for now. Though based on true and/or accurate accounts, the format of this story is fictional. Here we have the attorney/client relationship, planning strategy. Here we have the famous (unscrupulous) custody professional, Attorney B. U. Di-Smuck and his client, Matilda.
The woman arrives to his office. She's thinking about divorce. Without wasting time he says, "Nice or Nasty". He convinces her to accept the Nasty Plan so the games begins. She fills out several forms and his secretary obtains, within the next few weeks, a personal profile on Matilda's husband, Fred. Critical information such as friends, habits, basic routine, any vices. After review, he calls her for another appointment. As they sit down, he says, "Your husband is a very nice man. Hard worker, dedicated to family...." He goes on for several minutes expounding on Fred's attributes. He stops in mid-sentence, looks at Matilda and proclaims, "Perfect...easy target" He won't know what hit him."
Without giving away his professional secrets, he simply explains his old motto: "Honey, when you have no dirt you INVENT dirt!" "Honey, the laws and sentiment favor women. One the one side, the typical police officer is looking for promotion and, like a cult follower at the airport selling flowers, finding ways to deposit more money in the city's treasury. On the other hand, a lot of women leading boring lives, needing some action as a do-gooder so volunteer their services at a Domestic Crisis Clinic or Shelter. The camp is already divided. Its a money bonanza portraying women as a victim. All we need is the villain. So, honey, this is how we are going to screw your husband over. To shame and humiliate him. Drain all his fiances. Get him fired if need be. Assassinate his character..." As he continues for a few more minutes, he reaches behind his desk and shows Matilda his brief case and says, "Do you see all these notches? That's all the cases I've won." (Her eyes gaze upon the impressive row.) Then, he whispers, "I have something else to show you", as he calls his secretary to get his scrap book. "Come here, honey, take a look that this". Standing by his desk, he opens the book and she starts reading obituary notices. While silence speaks its own language, he looks at her, leans over to whisper again: "I drove all these men to suicide. I love my work". Her gaze then turns to worry. Noticing her apprehension, he calms her with the following. "Honey, its all part of the game. Some of my colleagues have not been so lucky as their plans backfire with a murder-suicide. They get their client killed in the process or some innocent party. I don't make such mistakes. I go for the throat early on, add another trophy in my scrap book. Next case."
Setting the Stage
Matilda is instructed and rehearsed into the mind-game strategy. This usually takes about two months of preparation. He stresses the point how, on the one side, she must play pretend like everything is fine. On the other, well, let's see what happens. Depending on the target, after finding his touchy buttons, carefully push each one with strategic accuracy. After enough preparation is completed, Fred comes home one day to find Matilda gone. (The weapons of choice are helplessness, frustration, bewilderment.) Now, as the trap is set, its time for the mouse to smell the cheese.
Fred has no idea why Matilda left or where she went. Anticipating the natural response or action, he makes phone calls or drives here or there trying to find answers. (He does not know that various agencies have already been contacted that Matilda has been documenting how she is now in "fear" for [her] life".) Like layers of an onion, the plan takes seemingly, undetached incidents, carefully recorded, and ready to be used in court.
Example: Fred owns a few guns. One, a rifle his father had when a boy. (Wow, is Fred in trouble!) By the way, having a few police officers on the payroll comes in handy as will be explained. At first, a few months earlier, Matilda doesn't understand why her lawyer wants her to take an inventory of what is in Fred's work car. (She won't realize until later.)
When Fred comes home to an empty house, finding Matilda gone, having no idea why, he makes the typical response and starts making phone calls. (He has no idea that those he is calling, have already been instructed not to answer the phone. (Great thing, Caller ID. They cross their fingers hoping Fred, every few minutes, tries calling again. Great thing, "* 69".) What will happen next? The anticipated action: Fred decides to take a drive to the first place on the list: Matilda's mother's home. Fred doesn't realize that his movements have been under surveillance gaining further information into his routine, such as what routes he takes.
A call has been placed and a police officer is positioned several blocks away on the route Fred will take. Positioned by a stop sign, hidden from view, the police waits. Fred approaches the stop sign, looks both ways and continues. Next thing he notices is revolving lights behind him. He pulls over. (Fred has no idea what is about to happen next.)
This is the last thing Fred needs at that moment is to be stopped. He wants answers to this seemingly bizarre episode with his wife. As the cop walks up to Fred's car, besides the usual Fred expects, the cop requests to search the vehicle. (The magic word is used, "routine".) The police officer stopped Fred to document "weapons".) What kind? Fred keeps a small, old kitchen knife on the dash to open mail. Then there is the "club". Club? The gas struts for the engine hood are bad. Fred cut a piece of broom handle, kept on the floor of the back seat to use as a prop device when checking the oil. (Remember, its Fred's old work car.) What else? It doesn't much matter at this point, the cop has enough. Now, the slick move is about to happen. The cop asks Fred, "Where are you going in such a hurry?" (The cop already knows.) Fred tries to explain (bad move) about his wife and that she left. The cop pretends to give a sympathetic ear, saying such things like, "Yea, I know how women can be...". Then the cop seems to be a nice guy and let Fred off with a written warning. (Fred is so thankful.) After Fred pulls away, the cop, when going back to the station, begins the entering the "report" into a file. (Mock report will be added soon.)
Most likely Fred, or his attorney, will never become aware that a report was ever written. (The incident long forgotten.) Who will see the report? The third party reviewer. Who are they? Part of the game is called, "In The Dark". Only tell relevant players what you want them to know because the pre-conceived mind-set of the "villain" is important and must be preserved. It feeds bigotry. Gives justification being the Goodian protecting another poor woman from the evil Manatoid.
Then comes the reports of the reports. Matilda is instructed to see a mental health professional to help her "deal" with her current (invented) crisis. As these reports begin documenting her plight, a copy of the police report just happens to be made available. (The third party reviewer [which I call a TPR] doesn't care if the police report is accurate. After all, how many cops are former alter boys? They wouldn't lie. They are "professionals".
What's next? Seasoning. Soon, as time goes by, the paper shuffle has the next waive of third party reviewers making more reports of the reports. Each one, naturally having a keen eye to detail, enhancing flair with expert opinion, begin to stretch the combined reports into the "complete" picture for the court. Nothing like asking a "witness" select questions for desires responses. More fluff for the file.
What's next? The magic PFA. After a few days Fred receives a call. Its Matilda. (Several days of silence are needed to have the appropriate effect on Fred's emotional state. He's worried. Upset. Hasn't been sleeping. He pleads for his wife to talk things out. She agrees by saying, "Call me back later on tonight at 7:00 pm. I want to see you. Bye, I love you".
When the time arrives, Fred calls as planned. No answer. He calls back a few minutes later. No answer. (Need to push "*69" a few more times.) After the fourth time, (magic number, "4", we don't hit "*69"), Matilda answers and gives some excuse she was in the shower and couldn't grab the phone. After a brief conversation, with a soft voice, she tells Fred to come over at 9:00 pm. (Having Fred arrive at night is important.)
Fred pulls up to the familiar house of his mother-in-law, walks up the steps and knocks on the door. No answer. He knocks again. No answer. Puzzled, he walks around the house to try knocking on the back door. No answer. ("What's going on", he thinks to himself, "Her car is in the driveway. She told me to come over at 9:00 pm.") Fred goes around to the front again, stands on the porch, knocks and then tries to peek in the window. He can hear the stereo playing.
All of a sudden two police vehicles arrive. At least three cops walk up to Fred and ask him what he is doing there. (This is when Mr. Invisible comes into play.) The one police officer says, "We got a call there was a stalker in the neighborhood". Another report is made. At that point Fred isn't arrested. Still unaware of what is about to take place. Fred is advised to go home. He does and makes a few more calls to his wife. (Not knowing each time "*69* is being pushed.) From then on, each time he calls, a familiar voice tells him his wife is out, or something else.
A few days later, at work, (calculated for the embarrassment factor) two officers from the sheriff's department pay Fred a visit and serve him papers that his now, estranged wife, has filed a PFA action against him. It is then Fred gets hit with a train as he reads all this seemingly bullshit on the face of the action, listing dates of this and times of that. He thinks to himself, "What is she doing. This isn't true." His one friend at work, now a little reserved, after all, sheriffs don't come without reason, tells Fred to see an attorney.
Now Fred makes an appointment. Brings the paperwork along he must of read a hundred times within the last few hours in disbelief. His lawyer reads the action and says, "You're in trouble". Fred asks, "What can be done"? The reply, "How much money do you have". Fred resounds, "Not much, she cleaned out the savings account".
At the hearing, (usually one day a week set aside for PFA actions), the court expects an express lane of activity as lawyers conference in a convenient corner trying to make a deal. Still, at this point, Matilda's lawyer wants to be "nice" by saying to Fred's attorney, "Have him agree to stay away from Matilda and we won't enter our evidence into record". Back against the wall. Fred agrees, if he is smart, now facing a catch twenty-two moment.
As for the "evidence", though not formally entered, all the key players already have copies. At that point, the PFA Decree is the Official Seal Of Approval to all the reports previously compiled and now can be viewed as gospel.
What happens next? Stay tuned.
Updated: 11-23-2001